Homemade Mike Gravel Gyrocopter Crashes into Ron Paul Blimp

In the worst political accident in the history of the United States, presidential candidate Mike Gravel (D-Ala.), riding in a self-propelled gyrocopter, crashed into an enormous blimp that was being flown from South Carolina to New Hampshire by fellow candidate Ron Paul (R-Texas).

The accident brought a tragic end to both campaigns.

It was a sunny yet precariously cloudy day. News broadcasters were following the presidential blimp, a newsworthy historic first, from the ground, providing 24-hour coverage. The mood among Paul supporters piloting the blimp was upbeat. The blimp, which had the words “Who is Ron Paul?” emblazoned in enormous letters on its side, was the latest and most dramatic in a series of efforts they had made to break through the conspiracy of silence being perpetrated by the mainstream media against their candidate, whose message had been deliberately ignored because of the grave threat it posed to the forces, that may or may not run this country, who may or may not be responsible for that strange eyeball pyramid on the $1 bill.

“Benjamin Franklin would be astounded by the state of this nation,” yelled the candidate through a large megaphone at the helm of the blimp, his words barely audible to the trailing press 50 feet below. “A nation that sacrifices its freedom for security will lose both,” he yelled, flailing his arms.

The blimp crew members were dressed in mustachioed masks, in honor of Guy Fawkes, a Catholic conspirator who had attempted to blow up the British Parliament in 1605, and who had become a symbol of the Paul campaign. They had already made a journey of several hundred miles, departing from the early primary state of South Carolina. The planned itinerary of the blimp included a football game in Washington, D.C., Times Square in New York City, and its ultimate destination: the crucial primary state of New Hampshire, where they had hoped to arrive in time for the state’s early primary, scheduled for Jan. 8.

Political analysts had mixed opinions of the likely effectiveness of the blimp.

“The New Hampshire primary is a major part of any presidential election, where a non-representative group of people in a tiny, all-white state in northern New England brave the winter cold to choose, in the name of all other Americans, who will be president of the United States,” comments Professor Plum, of the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University. “The people of New Hampshire take their duty very seriously, and they are not likely to be impressed by silly stunts like the one being perpetrated by Dr. Ron Paul.”

Unfortunately, the world will never know whether the presidential blimp would have catapulted Paul into the White House. To the shock and horror of onlookers, at roughly 11:15 a.m., local time, a squeaking gyrocopter came flying at the blimp out of a nearby cloud.

The testimony of onlookers is varied, as the accident had – mysteriously – not been videotaped by any mainstream reporter.

“It was a pretty cloudy day. I think whoever was flying that gyrocopter must not have seen the Ron Paul blimp in his way,” says onlooker Martha Bobson. “I’m pretty sure I saw the words www.MikeGravel.com written on the side, although it was hard to tell, because it looked like they had been written in sharpie.”

Her neighbor Bob Marthason disagrees. “That gyrocopter was heading straight for the blimp. I find it hard to believe that a presidential candidate would fly a machine into the blimp of a rival presidential candidate by accident – even if he is 99 years old and angry.”

The sudden death of their candidate was met with waves of shock, and grief, by members of the Ron Paul RLOVEution. Popular video posting Web sites and chatroom message boards have been inundated with videos and tributes to the candidate. In one, a hysterical woman with an enormous cat is seen crying, asserting that “Ron Paul changed my life” and “pulled me out of my political apathy and into the democratic process.”

In a potentially related incident, Mike Huckabee (R-Ark.) was found fervently praying at a church in South Carolina at the time of the accident. When asked to comment, Huckabee told reporters, “This entire campaign has been absolutely a blessing for us. These kinds of things are not in my hands,” before making a kissing motion towards the sky with two fingers.

The Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) campaign immediately released a press statement blaming Barack Obama (D-Indonesia) for the collision.

The Democratic frontrunner has blamed her campaign manager for the statement, which has been confirmed and denied, by former President Bill Clinton (D-Ark.).